NEVER GIVE UP … UNTIL YOU DO

November 5, 2022

It’s been one week since Lee transferred from this life to heaven. I’ve had my ups and downs, but mostly ups. Between the dog and friends, I interact with people every day. They won’t let me become a hermit.

It’s small, seemingly insignificant things that trigger tears. Like driving and seeing the dying leaves fluttering to the ground in the wind. I think of Lee and I miss him, but God’s will be done.

I’ve had time to reflect on the past month or so before Lee died. Lee was a fighter and never gave up on anything he set his mind to. When he was first diagnosed with cancer in 2021 he did research, started buying and reading cancer books, bought supplements, tried alternative treatments. He was disappointed when he found out Chemo 1.0 was a failure so he doubled down during Chemo 2.0. He believed so much in Dr. Chen’s protocol that he pushed himself to the point where his internal systems started going haywire. By the time he ended up in the ER, it was too late to save him.

Cancer didn’t kill him. His reaction to chemo did. Yet it is all part of God’s perfect timing.

My Bible study every morning this past week has been the Doctrine of Reversionism. I think God knew I would be having reactions to the situation and an in-depth study is helping me stay oriented to God’s plan for my life. Talk about perfect timing!

In addition to this study, I am also listening to a Bible study on the Life of Christ. I want to know more about my Savior! My spiritual life is my #1 priority and I pray it stays that way.

Let me explain why this picture is significant to me. I took it in October 2021. Do you see the “cross” at the horizon on the left? I visualized at the time Lee walking toward the cross and transferring to heaven. I am even more moved by this picture now.

I had some small victories this week. I managed to recall the combinations to two safes. I also found the password to Lee’s email. I still have not tried to access his computer. I’m waiting until the “right time.” I am the bill payer so I am not ignorant of our finances. Once I get the death certificate it should be relatively easy to update all the official records. Lee was a federal government retiree so that may be problematic … or not. One day at a time.

In the last month of Lee’s life he didn’t have joy. He’d become consumed with beating cancer and distracted from growing in grace. This is where he spent his days, and too often he’d even fall asleep sitting in his chair.

Now Lee is worshipping before the Throne of Grace and is filled with joy and awe as he stands in the presence of our Lord and Savior who bore the sins of every single person who has ever lived. By simply believing in Him, we receive the gift of eternal life with God.

I can only imagine...